Often couples find themselves in a situation where intimacy is dwindling. This condition – also known as Intimacy Anorexia – is common but treatable. Decreased intimacy is a serious personal issue affecting thousands of otherwise healthy adults, but there are ways to address this issue with therapy and a little bit of work.
The Effects of Decreased Intimacy
Such a decrease in physical and personal closeness could be a result of numerous things, including one partner’s sexual addiction and displacement outside of marriage. Affected couples often find themselves retreating to separate corners, starving for attention and affection, and wondering why.
Thankfully, many such couples can benefit from therapy and other useful techniques.
Therapy is Extremely Beneficial for Treating Intimacy Anorexia
Our experienced staff has successfully helped numerous couples to regain the closeness they once experienced together.
While any couple is welcome to contact us for a fully personalized consultation, here are a few identifying factors and strategies we have found to be most effective:
Warning Signs of Sexual Anorexia – Intimacy Anorectic Individuals
- Is a successful individual, a high achiever
- Instead of Acting out, They Act inwardly.
- Constantly Busy
- Blames Spouse or Others for Shortcomings
- Withholds Sex, affection, attention
- Criticizes
- Has Anger, Can use silence to control
- Will not Share Feelings with Spouse
Strategies and Self-Work to Address Sexual Anorexia or Reduced Intimacy
- Obtain a professional diagnosis as soon as possible
- Work together and individually to prevent Slips or occurrence
- Prevent progression toward a relapse if external issues like sexual addiction are a factor
- Rubber Band Snap First 30 days
- Write a Clarification Letter – Clarifying goals and desired outcomes
Six Commandments – highly beneficial self-treatment measures to prevent loss of Intimacy
- Pray
- Read Literature
- Go to Meetings- Celebrate Recovery
- Phone Calls- 90 calls in 90 days
- End Every Day together
- Pray again
Agree upon Consequences for not following through on self-treatment
- Pick up trash
- Clean the house
- Other chores or undesirable tasks
Actions for Spouses in Recovery
- Write an Anger letter
- Write out a wish list of characteristics
- Anger work with a therapist to clear a path
Daily Work for Couples to Do Together while In Therapy
- Feelings Exercise: I feel ______ when_____. X2 a day to spouse with eye contact
- Praise/Affirmation at least twice per day with the spouse
- Pray together- as noted above Client initiates.
Eventually, the Couple forms a Sexual Agreement in Therapy
- Frequency-per week negotiated
- System to manage this count
- Approach- Gestalt Technique- how to ask …in session
