Anger Management Classes in Dallas

Anger Management Classes

Anger Management Classes – 7 Ways Therapists Can Motivate Angry Men Who Want to Save Their Marriage

1. During the first session with the angry man alone, I recommend that for the
next session he invite his wife in for a session with the two of them. Often the
couple is separated or the woman has filed for divorce. Often, the woman does
not want marital therapy, but wants him to work on his problem by himself.

2. Coaching on the invitation for session two. I have the angry man do the
inviting, which is part of his therapy. I suggest that he explain to his wife that she
would be the consultant in the joint meeting and he would be the patient. I
suggest he explain that this would be a one-time consultation and not the
beginning of joint therapy. Last, but most importantly, he will tell her: “I need your
help.” This phrase is one that he probably has never said to anyone and rarely
one that a wife or even a former wife will pass up.

3. Introduction in session two. I greet the wife with thanking her for coming. I go
over that she will be the consultant to me today on how I can be helpful to my
“sick patient.” I turn to him and say that his main job will be to “shut up and
listen.” I find men like clear behavioral instructions that they can carry out and
then get rewarded. I explain that he has hired me to make her a happily married
woman and he will do whatever it will take.

4. Positive change? I first of all ask the wife of the angry man, if she has noticed
any positive change in the last week. She sometimes will report that he is not
arguing with her over the phone any more. I celebrate any small change for the
better. I explain that she should see more improvement every week (motivation
for him to change.)

5. What does she want to be different? I take careful notes as to what she wants
to be different. Typically, it is a lot of work to get this into behavioral terms.
Example: “I want better communication!” That could mean: a. shut up and let her
talk; b. stop interrupting; c. take her wishes seriously; d. do what she wants more
of the time without arguing or e. all of the above. This takes most of the session
and I strive to have a list of ten things that I can read back to her. I then ask if he
were to do these things over a period of time, would she let him back in the
house OR be a happily married woman? If not, then I find out what it would take.

6. If there is any history of family violence, then I go over with the wife that she
is to call 911 if it occurs again. No matter what! If she has called the police on the
angry man, then I compliment her and encourage her to do it again, if it happens
again. (Another form of motivation for the angry man).

7. Would you be willing to come back in 6 weeks and give us a report card?
I have never gotten anything but a “yes” to this question. This gives the angry
man the clarity that he has ten behaviors to work on and a time line and
motivation to get going..

Special Thanks to N. Hightower LCSW

Call 214-431-2032 for more information on Anger Management Classes in Highland Park and Southlake.